Teksase gyvena dešimtiesmetų mergaitė Hanya, tiesiog apsėsta noro piešti portretus. Ir ji turi galimybę piešti kūnus iš natūros – morge, kur ją nusiveda tėčio, iš Havajų kilusio gydytojo, draugė.
Tai tik vienas iš vaikystės prisiminimų, kuriais dalijasi amerikiečių rašytoja, romano „Mažas gyvenimas“ autorė Hanya Yanagihara.
Daugeliui perskaičiusių knygą kyla klausimas – kas toji moteris, galėjusi sugalvoti, išjausti ir užrašyti tokią istoriją? Juk ne veltui šis romanas pristatomas kaip viena labiausiai pritrenkiančių, metančių iššūkį, liūdinančių, sukrečiančių ir jaudinančių kelionių per sudėtingą žmogaus gyvenimą, nukelianti mus į vienas tamsiausių kada nors grožinėje literatūroje aprašytų vietų ir vis dėlto suteikianti šviesos. Tai giesmė broliškai draugystei ir meilei XXI amžiuje, pasakojimas apie šeimas, kuriose gimstame, ir apie šeimas, kurias susikuriame patys, žmogiškosios ištvermės ir empatijos meditacija.
Panašu, kad Lietuvos skaitytojams toji meditacija nebuvo svetima – romano, kurį iš anglų kalbos vertė Marius Burokas ir neseniai išleido leidykla „Baltos lankos“, tiražą teko kartoti kone iš karto.
„Mažas gyvenimas“ – apie ką ir kodėl?
„Vos pradėjusi rašyti žinojau, kad rankraštis bus maždaug tūkstančio puslapių. Ilgai personažus nešiojausi savo galvoje, o rašiau, kaip dabar prisimenu, tokios būsenos lyg sirgčiau, nuolat karščiuočiau. Rašiau kasdien grįžusi iš darbo. Taip pat savaitgaliais. Ir taip ištisus pusantrų metų. Dabar galiu pasakyti, kad toks rašymas – išsunkiantis ir pavojingas. Ir greičiausiai aš jau niekada to nekartosiu, o ir nelabai norėčiau“, – pasakoja H. Yanagihara.
Apie ką ši kone 700 puslapių knyga? Keturi koledžo draugai, atsikraustę į Niujorką, neturi nei pinigų, nei tvirto pagrindo po kojomis, bet visad kliaujasi vienas kitu – ir šios draugystės jiems pakanka, kad ieškodami laimės ir sėkmės žengtų pirmyn. Tai geraširdis aktorius Vilemas, aštrialiežuvis dailininkas Džei Bi, talentingas architektas Malkolmas ir mįslingas, savyje užsisklendęs Džudas, kuris ketvertuką laiko drauge tarytum magnetas. Bėgant metams draugų santykiai gilėja ir tamsėja, juos nuspalvina priklausomybės, sudėtingi pasirinkimai, ambicijos ir sėkmė. Tačiau didžiausias jų iššūkis, draugai netrunka suprasti, yra pats Džudas – genialus teisininkas ir matematikas, bet gyvenimo negrįžtamai palaužtas žmogus. Jo kūnas ir sąmonė sužaloti nenusakomai žiaurios vaikystės traumų, kurios Džudą ir jo artimuosius persekios visą gyvenimą.
Tačiau ne tiek siužetas, kiek aprašomi išgyvenimai ir jų gylis šią knygą paverčia nepamirštama. „Mažas gyvenimas“ – tai istorija, papasakota iš kentėjusio ir prisikentėjusio žmogaus perspektyvos. Tai – išnaudojimą patyrusios aukos istorija.
„Tiesą pasakius, išnaudojimas kaip toks mane menkai tedomina. Man, kaip rašytojai, kur kas įdomesnės ilgalaikės išnaudojimo pasekmės, ypač vyrams. Manau, moterys auga aplinkoje, kuri vienu ar kitu būdu jas tam netiesiogiai tarsi parengia. O berniukų situacija visai kitokia – jie prievartą patiria, bet apie tai dažnai net nebūna girdėję. Maža to, išnaudojimas atima iš jų vyriškumo pojūtį, o jie net nėra deramai mokomi nei drąsinami kalbėti apie savo patirtis. Bet juk tai žvėriška psichologinė trauma“, – sako autorė.
Draugystės šviesa
Ryški antitezė visam knygoje aprašomam įvairių formų smurtui – draugystė, kuri romane, regis, vaizduojama kaip nesibaigianti ir neišsemiama. Tačiau ar autorei pačiai teko kada mėginti padėti visiškoje kančioje paskendusiam draugui?
„Na, gal ne tokioje kritinėje situacijoje, kokioje atsidūręs knygos veikėjas Džudas. Bet, man regis, visiems pažįstamas tas jausmas, kai matai, kaip draugas kankinasi, kai mėgini jam padėti, o jis tos pagalbos nepriima. Kyla pyktis ir klausimas: o ar mano galioje, ar mano atsakomybė išgelbėti tą, kuris nenori būti išgelbėtas? Ar galiu skatinti, raginti kabintis į gyvenimą, kai žmogus nenori, atsisako gyventi? Tai labai asmeniški, skaudūs klausimai“, – pasakoja H. Yanagihara.
Draugystė, pasak autorės, gal ir neįveikia visų įmanomų kliūčių, bet neabejotinai yra nepakankamai vertinamas santykis.
„Kai geriau pagalvoju, visas XX amžius knygose, filmuose, regis, buvo apie romantinę meilę, kokia ji esą svarbi ir galinga. Bet tai juk santykinai naujas „išradimas“, mūsų laikų konceptas. O štai draugystė – kur kas gilesnis fenomenas, siekiantis seniausius laikus. Ir, mano galva, tai kur kas grynesnė, tyresnė tarpusavio ryšio forma, kurios deramai neįvertiname“, – sako „Mažo gyvenimo“ autorė.
enas, siekiantis seniausius laikus. Ir, mano galva, tai kur kas grynesnė, tyresnė tarpusavio ryšio forma, kurios deramai neįvertiname“, – sako „Mažo gyvenimo“ autorė.
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